No need to say it, it goes without saying, it should be obvious to all but,
just in case it isn't obvious to all,
IDA is dead.
IDA, now known as "GOV.UK Verify (RIP)",
is the Cabinet Office Identity Assurance programme.
And it's dead.
Can GOV.UK Verify (RIP) Win an Emmy?
30 June 2014, only a year ago, saw the historic release of Identity Assurance Demonstration. Children have all lived in delicious fear of the sinister "identity providers" ever since:
GOV.UK Verify (RIP) Breaks Credit Ratings Record
Experian", one fan would say knowingly to another. "Me, I'm a Digidentity girl", another would say, while others still would attend GOV.UK Verify (RIP) festivals dressed only in the colours of the Post Office.
Hysteria reached fever pitch when the fourth "identity provider" was due to be revealed to the world. Who would Mooncalf Productions cast in the rôle of Mydex?
And then, a PR disaster. William Heath's agent couldn't agree terms with Aviation House, the West Hollywood studio.
Or was it?
Was it a disaster?
Perhaps the marketing experts know what they're doing after all because, instead of Mydex, 24 March 2015 saw the long-awaited release of GOV.UK Terrify and introduced the spine-chillingest "identity provider" of them all, Verizon:
GOV.UK Verify (RIP) Gets Third Season
The fever reached hysteria pitch now. We were promised five more screen monsters to frighten the children with:
- Barclays (the bank).
- GB Group (no-one's sure but probably nearly as evil as a bank).
- Royal Male (seriously).
- PayPal (yes PayPal, seriously, the ones who flounced off the set once before).
Borrowed from The Matrix, the "identity provider" who turns your eyes into a template and mashes them with your fingertips, the bi-modal biometrics alien from outer space, or at least from France.
GOV.UK Verify (RIP), the Videogame
With febrile hysteria now pitching, Mooncalf finally made an announcement yesterday:
At last. The third series. All that expectant tension could be released.
No, it couldn't.
The link in the Tweet only led back to GOV.UK Terrify, the March 2015 film.
Some sort of a joke?
The fans weren't amused:
Mooncalf weren't exactly repentant
Then they seemed to see sense, although they had some trouble expressing it:
We've make a mistake
"We've make a mistake"? They sure have, because today they did indeed release the same film, but with eight seconds edited out at about 1'45" (hat tip @EerkeBoiten) – the eight seconds in which Ms Hughes (for it is she, if there's an impossible job, send for Janet Hughes, that one) tells us that ...
... oh, never mind, it doesn't matter any more, because now it's never going to be the same again ...
... and Mooncalf are going to go down in history as the impressarios who could have made it big, Britain's Got Talent, anything, sky's the limit ...
... and then they snatched disaster from the jaws of defeat. RIP IDA – who's going to ruin their career and appear in one of Mooncalf's productions now?
Eight seconds short of an Oscar